08/01/2016
As a survivor of multiple sexual assaults and activist for peace, I am ashamed and almost unwilling to admit that I, too, initially questioned the validity of the accusations against Bill Cosby when I first heard about them. However, when I was raped in Cape Town six weeks ago while doing humanitarian work for #StopRapeEducate, I remembered those brave women and decided to speak up for myself.
What is it that makes us doubt the stories of rape survivors? Why are people so afraid to confront this topic and have these conversations? What is it about rape that makes it so “unbelievable”?
Almost every man or woman who tells people about their assault is further victimized by the media, friends, and/or family. Minutes after I was sexually assaulted, after the rapist left the crime scene, I stayed. I took a photo of my distress and documented the entire incident in graphic detail, from beginning to end. At the time I had an Instagram following of 20,000 supporters of my campaign #StopRapeEducate. I didn’t know what the police would say or what the ultimate result would be, so I decided to tell my followers about what happened, as my own little form of justice. It would have been incredibly hypocritical of me to stay silent whilst leading a movement that encourages survivors to speak up.
I told the story of my rape with as much detail as I could. I knew that it would shock the world. And I didn’t care what people thought or said. I told the truth, the full truth, because I wanted to convey the message that no matter what a person does, there is no justification for rape. Not everyone got the message, however. Thousands of people responded with vicious attacks against me calling me disgusting, a slut, a liar, and fraud. I instantly felt like I was in the same boat as the women that Bill Cosby assaulted: publicly shamed and shunned for making a courageous act.
Whether the survivor is in the media or not, the backlash from standing up for yourself can be just as devastating as the incident itself. I thought my pain would end when the rape was over. It was only just the beginning. I’ll never understand why the world is so cruel to people who need compassion the most: survivors of abuse. Even I, a human rights activist and feminist, fell guilty of internalized misogyny when I heard of the Cosby case. This made me realize that patriarchy and rape culture is engrained in all of us deeper than we realize. We can unlearn rape culture by promoting a culture of consent. Instead of focusing on the problem, I’ve moved towards more solution-based activism which is why I’ve started a brand new movement called Creating Consent Culture. In a culture of consent, we believe and support survivors of rape, we ask our partners if they wish to be touched or kissed, and we create the peaceful world we all dream of!
I have no doubt that we can make this world a better place and I’m willing to work for it – but I can’t do it alone. Every person out there needs to do their part in creating consent culture. We need to teach consent curriculum everywhere – especially to children, doctors, lawyers, and police officers so that our “justice system” can actually live up to its name.
If you’d like to create consent culture, you can start by supporting survivors of abuse unconditionally. Uplift them. Listen to them. Believe them. Help them turn their pain into power so that we may all live our best lives ever.
Follow Amber Amour on Twitter: www.twitter.com/activistamber
>via: http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/amber-amour/rape-live-blog-amber-amour-instagram_b_8938964.html
____________________
6 January 2016
Rape campaigner
live-blogged her own
‘sexual assault’
– just minutes after
alleged attack
took place –
to set an example
for other survivors
who ‘need
to speak up’
- Amber Amour, 27, from New York was in Cape Town, South Africa, for her ‘Stop Rape. Educate’ campaign when she was raped in a shower
- The activist took to Instagram to write about the alleged rape and post a picture of herself crying in the shower after the sexual assault
- She also shared photos of her rape kit and screen grabs of the hateful messages she received that blamed her for her sexual assault
A rape survivor and activist has revealed why she was compelled to share intimate details of her alleged sexual assault on social media just minutes after the attack, explaining that she instantly knew that she couldn’t keep what happened to her a secret.
Amber Amour, 27, was in Cape Town, South Africa, promoting her ‘Stop Rape. Educate’ campaign in November when she she was allegedly attacked by a man named Shakir after she agreed to take a shower with him. After she was raped, Amber took to Instagram to post a photo of herself crying and a message detailing the horrific sexual assault.
‘Here I was, telling survivors every single day that they should speak up… I knew I had to practice what I preached,’ she explained to Marie Claire UK. ‘So the first thing I did was take a picture and write a post, describing what had happened.’
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Horrific encounter: Amber Amour (pictured), 27, said she was in in Cape Town, South Africa, promoting her ‘Stop Rape. Educate’ campaign when she was raped by a man named Shakir
Sharing her story: Just minutes after the alleged sexual assault, Amber took to Instagram to share this photo of herself crying in the shower where the rape occurred
Candid account: The rape survivor and activist also posted a detailed account of her alleged rape to accompany the harrowing picture
‘It was almost an intuitive thing,’ she added. ‘I was still in the bathroom – in the crime scene. I don’t even think I’d stood up. I just typed and typed.’
In her candid post, Amber explained that she had returned to a hostel that she previously stayed at after a two day bout with food poisoning to leave a note for her friend Nick when she ran into Shakir who was trying to ‘get with’ her.
She said she kissed him once, but claimed she had met someone and left because he ‘seemed drunk’. However, when he followed her upstairs and asked her to join him in the shower she agreed.
‘I said yes because the water at my current hostel is pretty cold and after two days of being sick, I just really wanted a hot shower,’ she explained. ‘As soon as I got in the bathroom, he forced me to my knees. I said “stop!” but he just got more violent.’
Detailing every moment: The day after her alleged sexual assault Amber shared this candid photo of her rape kit while she was in the hospital exam room
Cruel critics: Along with the photo of her rape kit, Amber revealed that many people on social media have been blaming her for her rape because she willingly got into the shower with the man before he attacked her
Fighting back: Amber had this photo of herself taken in September just a few months before her attack
Amber went on to detail the sexual assault that caused her to pass out. When she awoke, She said he came back to the shower.
‘I have all those f****d up feelings that we get after rape…shame, disgust, suffering,’ she wrote. ‘I’m here, alone, and any DNA has been wiped away in the shower. The South African police will just roll their eyes when I walk in. Feeling sicker than ever now.’
The next day Amber returned to Instagram before she headed to the hospital to share a photo of the three angel cards she drew the night of her sexual assault.
‘Dealing with cops is tough and the rape kit is the last thing I want– tools and metal instruments and combs all up in my private parts…. But this is what I stand for,’ she wrote.
Hopeful: ‘I forgive every person who blamed me for the rape I experienced recently. I know you don’t understand but I have faith that you can,’ Amber wrote when she shared this photo three weeks ago
Shame game: This Instagram user responded to Amber’s story by telling her she a ‘disgusting excuse of a human’
Defending herself: Amber responded to her the critic who called her a ‘disgusting human’ by noting that victim-blaming is the reason why many people don’t speak up after a sexual assault
Unnecessary explanation: Amber reiterated that she agreed to take a shower with her attacker because she had been sick with food poisoning and her hostel didn’t have hot water
‘I tell you guys to speak up every single day and I know that I need to practice what I preach,’ she added. ‘It is so incredibly hard, though, but having you all here for me makes all the difference.’
While in the exam room, Amber posted a photo of her rape kit while revealing that many people have blamed her for her rape because she agreed to shower with Shakir.
‘No matter what a person does, it is not an invitation for rape,’ she argued in the photo caption. ‘It doesn’t matter if I kissed him. It doesn’t matter if he was drunk. It doesn’t matter if I said yes to a shower.
‘I never said he could get violent with me. I never said he could make me bleed. I never said he could rape me. But still, that’s how the scene went down.’
Taking a stand: ‘No matter what a person does, it is not an invitation for rape,’ she wrote in one of her many Instagram posts
Continued shaming: This Instagram user noted that although Amber’s attacker should be punished, she ‘walked into’ her rape
Lacking empathy: Some Instagram users wanted to know why she agreed to get in the shower with attacker while others said she ‘deserved it’
Happy moment: ‘Not only do I enjoy the freedom I feel being nude in nature, but it’s also to prove the point that nudity does not equate to sex or rape,’ she wrote
‘I don’t need to explain myself but if you’re wondering WHY I took a shower with him, it was written in the text, I’d been sick with food poisoning for two days and needed to sweat it out,’ she continued.
‘My current place of residence has only cold water (third world problems are real!) and it seemed like a miracle to be offered a hot shower.’
To combat the victim blaming she was facing, Amber shared screen shots of the criticisms she received on Instagram following her rape, many of which were written by women.
She has also been posing photos of herself naked, explaining on Instagram that nudity is synonymous
Amber told Marie Claire UK that she first experienced sexual violence when she was only 12 years old. More than a decade later, in September 2014, she started her campaign to end sexual assault after she was raped by her roommate in New York because she didn’t like how the police handled her attack.
Tough questions: Another Instagram user wanted to know why she didn’t immediately call the cops after the alleged sexual assault
Trying to educate: Amber responded to the many by noting that is traumatic to report your rape because you have to ‘relive it’
Free spirit: Amber continues to post pictures of herself naked because nudity is not synonymous with rape
Too young: Amber explained that she first experienced sexual violence when she was only 12 years old
‘One of the officers asked me if I was “sure” that my rapist had known I meant no,’ she recalled.
She went on to say that it has been six weeks since her most recent rape and she is still staying in Cape Town, working with the police, and trying to move on. Although she had been raped before, she said it doesn’t make the healing process any easier.
She also revealed the trauma inspired her to start a new campaign called ‘Creating Consent Culture’.
‘Opening up about rape or sexual assault isn’t as scary as you think,’ she added. ‘By telling my mom about my first experience of sexual assault, I learned that she had experienced it too.
‘That’s the thing – there are so many more survivors out there than you would imagine, and chances are, the person you’re telling may have a similar story or might know someone else who has one.’
Difficult time: She was inspired to start her ‘Stop Rape. Educate’ campaign after she was raped by her roommate in New York last September
Encouraging others: ‘Opening up about rape or sexual assault isn’t as scary as you think,’ she explained
Changing minds: Amber revealed that her recent sexual assault inspired her to start a new campaign called ‘Creating Consent Culture’